Monday, March 06, 2006

Looking back, looking forward

First, to my sisters and brothers in the blogosphere, my apologies for a week of absence from my digital haunts. It has been a long, long week in a series of long, long weeks.

My trip to Kansas was both beautiful and awful, invigorating and draining. The trip down was rushed but wonderful, the stay was filled with early mornings and late nights and many beautiful friends, and the trip back plagued with annoying delays and pleasant visits. I needed one more day to recover from the trip and the drive - but the job simply wouldn't wait one more day. So back I went.

The highpoints of the visit were
- KC barbeque at Oklahoma Joe's in Olathe;
- seeing a swarm of my AA friends all day Saturday (either at the home group in Lenexa, at breakfast and dinner, and at the Sunflower Roundup Saturday night);
- worship at my home congregation Sunday morning;
- an absolutely beautiful memorial service for Jerry Amundson Sunday night;
- visits with my friend Norma, and friends Nathan and Laura, on my way back Monday.

The only real low points were that I overscheduled myself, to the detriment of sleep, and the fact that I ended up having not one, but three separate automotive crises involving tires, and one very close call with construction debris falling off a truck (which resulted in one of the flat tires).

The problem was that I didn't get home Monday until 3:30 AM Tuesday, and got up at 7:30 to be in the office by 9. Then we didn't get done with work until 1:15 AM Wednesday. In fact, the rest of the week was not nearly so long-houred - but in terms of sheer stress it was equally as draining. The result was that, outside of going to my traditional Saturday morning AA meeting, I basically slept this entire weekend away - with the exception of getting much-needed laundry done this evening.

I still like a great deal of my job - and I even got a commendation and a raise this last Thursday. But I know that the folks on my team are starting to lose hope of things getting better any time soon. And added to the stress and strain is the inevitable swarm of finger-pointers, trying to diagnose problems and institute control systems (in effect, putting fingers into the mud after the dike has washed away). The blame-storming is already underway, and the various spin-doctors are demanding time that we already need to just get through the everyday hassles.

So it's a little tough, now.

I should have been dialed in and working from home at least half a day this weekend, but I simply couldn't raise the internal energy to do it. All the body wanted to do was sleep, and the mind was more than willing to follow suit. But my goal is to be in bed in about five minutes, so I can get an earlier start on the day (since I'll have the additional entertainment of wet snow and slush to slog through to get to the train tomorrow morning).

Yes, I'm grateful for what I have. But I have to admit that it's tougher to remember that gratitude, from time to time.

I know that "this too will pass..." - sometimes like gas, sometimes like gall-stones. For tonight, I'm going to trust that better days are coming, and sleep in that trust.


New Life said...

Thanks for the update.

Rest is good...

AnotherLostAngel said...

You have no monopoly on lack of graditude, my friend. I truly wonder many times if I am capable of gratitude, at least on a consistent, overarching baisi. If you pulled me out of the path of a speeding car that had just jumped the sidewalk, I would surely feel real gratitude to you. But in the big world, I am truly mired in regret over the past and how my life turned out. I was talking to mike and joe about it yesterday. I know it gets me nowhere, but have no way to "kick it out" of my mind. It hurts my life and my program a lot. So cut yourself some slack, steve. You'll get there.


Im A Foto Nut said...

DUDE! I missed you at church! We were there. However, we got there just as the service was about to start, then little man decided he was going to eat a bowl of friggin ceral, at the eat and great tables. Mind you had had just finished breakfast before we left. (That is why we were running late.) He was in one of those moods where if he didn't get what he wanted we would have ended up leaving 5 minutes into the service.

Of course he was being a pockie pete while endulging his second breakfast. By the time he finished P.J. was midway through the sermon. I was not about to slog up the rows looking for a seat that late in the game so we sat in the comfy chairs outside, which I faced toward the pulpit.

Now it just so happened there was an over abondance (spelling?) of small children outside of church, who were not being attended very well by their parents.

They had decided to run like indians around our chairs poking at my kids and laughing, ect. You know, just being ages 3-5. By the last hymn my kids were soooooo cranked that they were making enough noise to be heard through the windows. (I know this cause folks were turning around to look at us.)

I decided then and there we were leaving before they caved the roof in. They both got a talking to on the way home. NOW, I am even more upset because I missed seeing you. (Yes I will get over it!)

Anyway, I took my brand spankin' new camera to church with me tonight. Thought you might like to see some of my shots.

Hope all is well in Chicagoland!


Bar L. said...

A friend of ours is celebrating his 39th birthday on Saturday, March 11! Please stop by and wish Jeff of “So I Go” a Happy Birthday and remind him what a wonderful writer/blog friend he is.

Erin said...

Praying for you, Steve. Rest and contentment. Joy and a deep sense of accomplishment. Peace and relationship...