Looking back, looking forward

First, to my sisters and brothers in the blogosphere, my apologies for a week of absence from my digital haunts. It has been a long, long week in a series of long, long weeks.

My trip to Kansas was both beautiful and awful, invigorating and draining. The trip down was rushed but wonderful, the stay was filled with early mornings and late nights and many beautiful friends, and the trip back plagued with annoying delays and pleasant visits. I needed one more day to recover from the trip and the drive - but the job simply wouldn't wait one more day. So back I went.

The highpoints of the visit were
- KC barbeque at Oklahoma Joe's in Olathe;
- seeing a swarm of my AA friends all day Saturday (either at the home group in Lenexa, at breakfast and dinner, and at the Sunflower Roundup Saturday night);
- worship at my home congregation Sunday morning;
- an absolutely beautiful memorial service for Jerry Amundson Sunday night;
- visits with my friend Norma, and friends Nathan and Laura, on my way back Monday.

The only real low points were that I overscheduled myself, to the detriment of sleep, and the fact that I ended up having not one, but three separate automotive crises involving tires, and one very close call with construction debris falling off a truck (which resulted in one of the flat tires).

The problem was that I didn't get home Monday until 3:30 AM Tuesday, and got up at 7:30 to be in the office by 9. Then we didn't get done with work until 1:15 AM Wednesday. In fact, the rest of the week was not nearly so long-houred - but in terms of sheer stress it was equally as draining. The result was that, outside of going to my traditional Saturday morning AA meeting, I basically slept this entire weekend away - with the exception of getting much-needed laundry done this evening.

I still like a great deal of my job - and I even got a commendation and a raise this last Thursday. But I know that the folks on my team are starting to lose hope of things getting better any time soon. And added to the stress and strain is the inevitable swarm of finger-pointers, trying to diagnose problems and institute control systems (in effect, putting fingers into the mud after the dike has washed away). The blame-storming is already underway, and the various spin-doctors are demanding time that we already need to just get through the everyday hassles.

So it's a little tough, now.

I should have been dialed in and working from home at least half a day this weekend, but I simply couldn't raise the internal energy to do it. All the body wanted to do was sleep, and the mind was more than willing to follow suit. But my goal is to be in bed in about five minutes, so I can get an earlier start on the day (since I'll have the additional entertainment of wet snow and slush to slog through to get to the train tomorrow morning).

Yes, I'm grateful for what I have. But I have to admit that it's tougher to remember that gratitude, from time to time.

I know that "this too will pass..." - sometimes like gas, sometimes like gall-stones. For tonight, I'm going to trust that better days are coming, and sleep in that trust.