Friday, May 19, 2006

Ten questions for the Religious Right

1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. (After all, have you seen what whole shellfish look like?) Can you settle this?

7) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

9) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

8 comments:

Rick said...

great post, brother... great.

Deanne said...

I'm at a loss for words, so I'll just agree with Rick.

Oh, if we just had the time to comb through the Old Testament, we could come up with so many more of these. Great, indeed.

AnotherLostAngel said...

Steve

This is great. I cam accross this list last year or so, and lost track of it. I am glad you have located it for me.....I think it encapsulates the manipulative crass idiocy that encompasses the RR.

Pete

wilsonian said...

You can't own Canadians because we're so nice, we would have already offered our services. Takes away the fun of slave ownership, you know... ;)

[rhymes with kerouac] said...

Oh, I don't know... What would Jesus do?

bobbie said...

brilliant steve!

APN said...

Thanks for this list. I too have seen it before and I'm glad now to be able to copy-and-paste it into one of my blogs. I'm glad to see that you're doing well Steve....

Anonymous said...

Just saw this and it gave me a great chuckle. As a member of the RR who God is prying away the shackles, I am just a little tempted to post this on my FB page. Just a little. Don't quite have the courage yet...