Thursday, December 03, 2009

A disciplined return

I found this in my inbox recently...a clear image of how connected I am, and how ripples in my life are detected by others...
~~~

Can't sleep. Up browsing.
It seems you haven't posted on the ragamuffin blog for a l.o.n.g. time.
Are you okay?
Are you blogging elsewhere?
Are you done blogging?

Perhaps none of it is any of my business.
I miss your words. your thoughts. you.
Still pondering deeply and praying for understanding.
Saying a prayer for you also tonight.

Love from Kansas.
Deb

~~~

Thank you for the wake-up call, Deb...and Michael...and others.

Yes, I am okay, overall - though it has been a bit of a roller-coaster. No, I am not blogging elsewhere. I did allow myself to get sucked into the catch-up-with-the-world-of-the-past of Facebook, for a bit, and I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the stuff of life for a bit. I have also been somewhat annoyed by technological issues - my 2002 PC has been dying a slow death, and I'd been trying to nurse it along. But all these things are just contributing factors.

Am I done blogging? That has been the big question that I think I've been avoiding over the last two or three months. I confess that there have been a number of "what's it all about, Alfie?" moments scattered over the last four or even six months. I wondered if I really had anything to share, anything new or worthwhile.

I found, in some introspection, that I had once again succumbed to an old, old character defect - being concerned about what other people thought, rather than just voicing my belief or conviction. That concern for the opinion of others, combined with my natural conflict-averse personality, made it more comfortable for me to simply withdraw.

I found, however, that my failure to write, even about the most mundane thing, hasn't necessarily freed me from anything, but seemed to have left me in some kind of spiritual sloth - not wanting to do much of anything. It hasn't helped, to be honest.

So I am going to work toward posting more regularly - catching up on some of the events of life over the last three months or so. And I'm making an effort to be more "present" in the community of friends.

There are more than a few topics to consider...

- Six months in a strange new land
- It's not perfect, but it's home - joining a church
- Hitting the "hide" button on Facebook
- If the phone ain't ringin', I know who it is
- Going back to roots of faith
- Is it worth arguing?
- Running from "the faithful"

And for those who sent the "where have you been" messages (and especially to Debby, whose message I quoted at the beginning), thank you.

7 comments:

Hope said...

So glad to read your words this morning Steve. As much as I like reading your updates on FB, I miss your words here, too.

Erin Wilson said...

:) Always great to see you back here Steve.
Peace.

an aa brother said...

Good to see you blogging again. Looking forward to more!

Heidi Renee said...

yay you! (yay us too!) i really resonate with this:

I found, in some introspection, that I had once again succumbed to an old, old character defect - being concerned about what other people thought, rather than just voicing my belief or conviction. That concern for the opinion of others, combined with my natural conflict-averse personality, made it more comfortable for me to simply withdraw.

it's where i'm living too. say a prayer for me, and i'll say a prayer for you, k? much love!

Deb said...

I withdraw too. Sometimes it feels like Jesus retreating to the wilderness to rest, refuel, and draw strength and comfort from his Father.
But often that retreat morphs into recluse; and the voice I hear is no longer God's but the deceiver's. And as I hide from community, that liar's voice begins to overwhelm the Truth. Community is hard for me, but oh how I need it. I'm still looking for the balance of community and solace. Praise God, He has given His Spirit to dwell in me, to draw me back, to call out, to speak Truth straight to my heart; where, thanks to the cross, Satan is denied access eternally. Welcome back to this community that was birthed from your words & vulnerability so long ago. We need each other. You have been missed.

Black Pete said...

There is a time and tide, for sure. Facebook, however, does not replace a thoughtful blog post, and Steve man, you have been guilty of many such. Make the time you need, and post when you can. You--and the posts--are very worthwhile!

Deb said...

Two more days, and I'm calling you out!

Yeah... I don't even know what that means.

Miss you.